Are you drunk?
And now that we've set the mood, let us welcome you to Trek Crack.
Does exactly what it says on the tin.
This all started when we watched a certain film too many times in the front row of an imax screen , so we could see every pore on the rebooted characters' tight youthful faces.
Then we watched The Original Series in bulk.
Being artistic types, we started reeling off drawings. First because they were funny, and then because, like delicious crack, it was difficult to stop once we'd begun. And then we started writing, and it all went downhill from there.
Anyway, long story short, we ended up with a lot of art and ideas and stories and wrongness in a very short time, and we thought we'd share it with you lovely Ensigns.
One thing we should explain, though. Because we spend a lot of time swapping ideas like they were goddamn Pogs, we seem to have sort of created an AU. Might as well tell you chaps right now.
We mix up series and movie canons; this is really because we have much love for some of the original series characters, and little love for some of the film characters.
Translation: We want to do terrible/nurturing things to Anton Yelchin. Don't deny it, you do too.
When we refer to Kirk, we mean Zapp Brannigan. And/or William Shatner. But occasionally with the body of Chris Pine. We'll tell you when that happens.
When we refer to Spock, we mean Leonard Nimoy, because he is the pimpmaster general. And he has the hands a glove model and/or musician.
When we refer to Sulu, we always mean George Takei. And his molten mahogany voice.
When we refer to Scotty, we mean James Doohan (Third series. Killer sideburns, svelte like greyhound.) That does not mean we don't love Simon Pegg. Because we do. He are a funny man. But he is in the Pegg Zone, an asexual sphere hovering above the slash-verse.
When we refer to Uhura, we mean a fine blend of movie!Uhura and series!Uhura
When we refer to McCoy we certainly mean DEFOREST KELLEY, his slouch, eyebrows and sarcasm.
When we refer to Chekov, we (often) mean Anton Yelchin. And, unless you're blind, you will understand that.
We love Walter Koenig's version like a brother. A worrying brother with no neck who sleeps around the cosmos.
We also like Nurse Chapel and Yeoman Rand, but they have ovaries and therefore unless we go all genderbent (which we are most liable to do) they cannot be involved in the slashings, and we are that shallow. It's lovely.
We are General Nerdery and Captain Crack. But you can call us Katharynne and Anadapta if you're good.